Open Letter From Project Mordor

P.G. Poppycock – Executive Director, Project Mordor

Year 87 of the Fourth Age

We here at Project Mordor believe that our beloved region of Mordor is being misrepresented in the media of all the fine lands of Middle-Earth. If it is not one scribe in the Rohan Times calling it “desolate”, it is another from the Bree Business Ledger calling Sauron’s former region a “land of complete evil”. Now, this is a case of perception. Sure, a place will look evil and desolate when you see a picture in which a volcano is erupting AND there is a thunderstorm at the same time. (ed note: as witnessed above). All the scribes from outside Mordor have never even been to Mordor themselves. How can these reporters from the North and East think that they can write “factual” reports without even setting foot in the region they are reporting on! It’s simply bad journalism. They didn’t even try to ask Frodo Four-Fingers. They say he has vanished from Middle-Earth! Impossible! Now, I know they are lying! Their other reports are generated from rumors and lies. They say that the traffic outside the gates is unbearable while the line of carriages and other travelers wait until the gate gets opened. But, where is the traffic any good during rush hours! People are standing head to tail for miles from the Southlands to with Shire. The gates are a beautiful relic of days long lost and it is worth the few extra moments to breathe in the view.

Mordor is an up and coming (gated!) community, with low income and property taxes. We have many new construction homes available starting now. All of our new houses are within commuting distance of Minas Tirith and the new Minas Ithil. The temperature is a balmy 85 degrees at all times, without the sun ever coming out from behind the clouds! You get the advantage of the warm temperature without the risk of skin cancer.

Sauron was the most powerful being in Middle Earth. Does it not stand to reason that he would take the most desirable land as his own? Now that Sauron is vanquished, consider making Mordor a home of your own in Middle-Earth.