Orcs Against Uruk-hai

Recently, an orc named Glarg reached out to Project Mordon to bring to light the plight of his hard-working and now marginalized orcs of Isengard.  We have republished his letter here:

Friends at Project Mordor -
Not that long ago, The Orcs were the dominant evil-doing race in all of middle earth.  Whenever there was a town-sacking or general mayhem, every one looked to The Orcs.  We held that honor in high esteem.  When those scheming Elves made the knife later known as "Sting" - they made it glow when The Orcs were around!  Not dwarves, not humans, not stinking hobbits, or those miniature goblins but The Orcs!  That aught to tell you everything you need to know.  But, more and more this race of Uruk-hai have increased in prevalence and preference by our evil masters.  First, they take our jobs.  What is next?  We Orcs have to stick together against this abomination of cross-racial breeding that does not belong in our lands.  Now our master, Saurman, in his infinite wisdom (if he is reading this) has created even more robust Uruk-hai who can even travel when that nasty orb is in the sky. Think how much more efficient these Uruk-hai can be for the same amount of pay?  They can move faster than us, perfect for chasing tasty humans across the nasty green fields.  They are more resistent to the heat the orb pounds down on us innocent Orcs.

They have even began to take our homes.  All the good rooms in Isengard are taken by the bigger and stronger Uruk-hai.  Their language even threatens to take over ours.  Some spots in Isengard even offer bi-lingual Orc and Uruk-hai service!  I cannot believe what has happened to our culture!

Orc unemployment is at an all time high, even while Saruman and Sauron are both hiring at the highest level in recent years.  All the good plunder is taken by Uruk-hai before our unemployed Orcs can even get to it.  But, what good are unemployed Orcs when all the best outfitted Uruk-hai have access to all the resources.  We built all of Isengard on our strength and pulled down all the trees with our ropes and hooks.  The Orcs built all of the equipment in which the Uruk-hai were even created in!  And once the Uruk-hai are at full strength, who gets the good jobs and who gets sent to the unemployment line?  I'm sure you can guess the answer to that question.

They are bigger than us, stronger than us and can travel during the light hours.  Even our superior numbers are no match!  If an Orc runs into an Uruk-hai anywhere in Isengard, the Orc is treated harshly if The Orc escapes with his or her life.  We are relentlessly bullied by the terrible Uruk-hai.

This is why we reach out to you as we form our newest organization, Orcs Against Uruk-hai or OAUH (trust me, it sounds great in The Orc language).  Please help us get our jobs, homes and livelihood back before this new race takes over.

Yours in Orcdom,
Glarg

Open Letter From Project Mordor

P.G. Poppycock – Executive Director, Project Mordor

Year 87 of the Fourth Age

We here at Project Mordor believe that our beloved region of Mordor is being misrepresented in the media of all the fine lands of Middle-Earth. If it is not one scribe in the Rohan Times calling it “desolate”, it is another from the Bree Business Ledger calling Sauron’s former region a “land of complete evil”. Now, this is a case of perception. Sure, a place will look evil and desolate when you see a picture in which a volcano is erupting AND there is a thunderstorm at the same time. (ed note: as witnessed above). All the scribes from outside Mordor have never even been to Mordor themselves. How can these reporters from the North and East think that they can write “factual” reports without even setting foot in the region they are reporting on! It’s simply bad journalism. They didn’t even try to ask Frodo Four-Fingers. They say he has vanished from Middle-Earth! Impossible! Now, I know they are lying! Their other reports are generated from rumors and lies. They say that the traffic outside the gates is unbearable while the line of carriages and other travelers wait until the gate gets opened. But, where is the traffic any good during rush hours! People are standing head to tail for miles from the Southlands to with Shire. The gates are a beautiful relic of days long lost and it is worth the few extra moments to breathe in the view.

Mordor is an up and coming (gated!) community, with low income and property taxes. We have many new construction homes available starting now. All of our new houses are within commuting distance of Minas Tirith and the new Minas Ithil. The temperature is a balmy 85 degrees at all times, without the sun ever coming out from behind the clouds! You get the advantage of the warm temperature without the risk of skin cancer.

Sauron was the most powerful being in Middle Earth. Does it not stand to reason that he would take the most desirable land as his own? Now that Sauron is vanquished, consider making Mordor a home of your own in Middle-Earth.