How To Tell If Your Child Is Hooked On Pipe-Weed

Pipe-weed is becoming a very large problem in cities and towns all across northern Middle Earth. Children are becoming hooked on this addictive drug which is inhaled through a pipe, from which it derives its name.
Once a symbol of old men and dwarves, pipe weed has risen in popularity over the past few years. Some area children have seen the always-cool Gandalf smoking pipe-weed, which could have raised its popularity with the ever fickle youth.
After smoking pipe-weed, children are very interested in engaging in outlandish conversations while giggling at jokes and sayings that aren’t in the least big funny. Here is where the hard part comes in for parents: when to suspect if your children are smoking pipe-weed, and when they are having a regular good time with friends without pipe-weed. First, look for the smoke. Pipe-weed has a distinctive smell that smells like a cooking fire that has had too many green leaves thrown on it. It is usually smoked through pipes, however, some enterprising children are able to create a pipe-weed pipe out of any household device including the leg of a table! Keeping pipes from your children is not enough.
Pipe-weed is a gateway drug to other more troublesome drugs such as “Orc’s Energy Drink”, known as “Glaug’s Smog”. It is brown, thick liquid that the user drinks and then feels an immediate surge of energy and vitality. But, soon the taker is forced to drink more energy drink or else face a “crash”. A crash is when the person will fall into a deep sleep for hours without knowing how long they have slept. When they wake up after imbibing, they feel worse than they have before. The only way they can feel better is to get more energy drink. This begins a dangerous cycle of addiction. Kids can start with pipe-weed, thinking it is harmless, but it leads to more dangerous drugs!
Keep a sharp eye out parents! Some children may use slang when referring to pipe-weed. They might call it “Hobbiton Hazy”, after the area where it is grown. They also might refer to “Gold Leaf”, “Old Toby” or “Partying with the little people”, which is a reference to the hobbits by which this terrible drug is made.